I kind of really don’t want to go to UCI tomorrow. I’d rather just go to church to prepare for VBS. Sigh…………………….

Most of the time these days, I just want to be alone. The people who end up surrounding me don’t interest me. I don’t like conversing or interacting with people who don’t bother to put in the same effort. I don’t like “friends” that realize I’m missing  30 minutes later. There are a select few that put in effort to our friendship, and that I genuinely enjoy spending time with. Otherwise, I’d rather be alone, me and my thoughts.  I think thinking and reflecting is time better spent than you not even attempting to make conversation but wanting my attention.

Just remember that I’m not here for your “use”. I’m not here for you to “use” when you’re fighting with your other friend. If you think that we’re really “friends”, you’ve really got a warped definition. “Friend” doesn’t mean standing there expecting me to flatter you and try to get some conversation out of you. It means us being equals, us putting the same amount of effort into conversation, us trying our hardest to get the most fun out of the time we have.

I think I’m being completely honest and sincere right now. All you’ve done for me is walk away, and for everything I’ve done for YOU hasn’t even received a “thanks” or a “thank you”. Maybe it’s just my time to walk away for good. I’ll be standing in the sidelines while you try to be in the spotlight, finally, until you realize that you don’t have any real “friends”, that you don’t have anyone real to turn to, because this whole time  you’ve been expecting everyone else to do everything for you.

Please don’t talk about me like you know me if you don’t. 

Don’t say things like:

“Sharon always does this”

“Sharon always says this”

You most likely don’t know who I am, really, and so you aren’t in any place to say who or what I am, nor do you have any right to judge me in anything I do. 

So just go away.

I haaateeee it when I lose something of mine, no matter how small. Today it was a ruler. At snack. And I just realized. I am so sad/mad/frustrated ugh omg I’m praying that I find it tomorrow somehow ughhdhsqoejndkwmsndnsskowowdjckncndnwk!!!!!!

What makes you think you’re so special? What makes you think that your situation is completely isolated and that you’re feeling a feeling only you’ve ever experienced? You, the billionth person. I know your feelings must be completely overwhelming, but that isn’t a reason to say that you’re something special, that maybe you’re going through something that no one had ever gone through. And for you to deny the fact that feelings are relatable? Even if you’re not in the same situation? How could you say it’s not? Could you say that the exhilaration of a swing isn’t relatable to the exhilaration of a dragon boat ride? It’s the same with sadness, anger. Even if it’s lasting sadness, you can count on someone feeling that too, even if theirs was a mere second.

But go ahead. You’ll realize it someday. You can call me stupid for thinking this way, but you’ll see. May it be a second, a minute, an hour. Someones felt the same way, too.